I thought I lost you
by Cassandra Lynette Winchester
Summary: This is the first Destiel story I have shared, pretty much Cas has to abandon his vessel and take a new one whos female, Dean is struggling with Cas's death and Cas is watching. I myself don't like having Cas switch vessels, I know some people do enjoy it and thought I'd give it a try. Turns out I did like how the story turned out. Even though its not very good. Thanks and Enjoy :)


_Destiel, this is the first destiel story I have actually shared and its pretty much where Cas has to abandon his vessel and become a woman, I myself don't like Cas being in a different vessel but I know people enjoy that and I do like how it turned out :) Enjoy._

 _Sam hated watching his brother like this, Dean didn't leave his room for days and even know he barely left his room. When Cas had died Dean had sat next to him for hours, silently sobbing. Dean didn't even try to hide it, he pulled Cas's body into his arms and sobbed in his hair mumbling everything, at first he kept begging Cas to come back then he started to mumble profanities and demand Cas come back. After he had calmed down Dean lifted Cas into his arms and took him to the car. I did try to protest when he covered him up in the back seat as if he was sleeping, but I stopped once I realized he was crying again. Dean refused a hunters burial, he said that Cas would need a body when he got back. That was four months ago, Dean had tried for two months but I got him to stop because if he kept going he would die. I heard Dean's door open and jumped up but he didn't even glance at me as he headed into the kitchen. That was when I decided that I was going to force him to go to a bar no matter what. It would take convincing but it would happen._

 _Dean just sat at the bar drowning himself in straight jack, a lot of girls came up to him but he shot them down one after another. I sat next to Dean and ordered a beer. He didn't look up just frowned into his glass occasionally swishing the liquid around. The bartender came over and handed me the beer, but she stood there for a while longer then shuddered, shook her head, and turned around walking away. I didn't know what it was but she looked familiar. I shook the thought away and turned to Dean. "I'm worried about you, I barely see you anymore and I know you don't think I can hear but I can hear your sobs at night" I stated, he looked at me "I lost my best friend Sam, give me some time" he stated. I sighed giving up and he ordered a beer, once again the bartender stared at us for a few minutes but this time I stared back at her. She had long dark hair and bright blue eyes, she was gorgeous with high cheek bones and pale skin and a few freckles, but you would only notice them up close. She wasn't tall but she wasn't short either I'd say an inch shorter then Dean. Her mouth was full and a soft pink, I couldn't tell if she had make up on other then the light eye-shadow. I started to get uncomfortable with her staring but before I could say anything she nodded at me and them nodded her head towards the back. I looked at her quizzically and she did it again, then again finally I stood and walked way mumbling about going to the bathroom, but Dean didn't look at him._

 _I meet her in the hall to the bathroom and when she saw me she tackled me into a big hug. "Sam" she stated formally I pulled away "I'm sorry do I know you?" I asked she laughed and it was tight but sincere "oh right, its me Castiel" she stated. It took a long time to understand what she said and even then I had her repeat it. Once it set I tackled her into a hug "Cas I thought you where dead!" I yelled she shushed me. "Dean can't know!" she shout whispered "what? Why?" I asked she sighed and crossed her arms putting one hand to her forehead. "God, he found out that I was in love with Dean..." Cas turned bright red "he was okay with it, even gave me permission and told me it was meant to be, some angels didn't feel that way, they blamed Dean for it, I talked to God and he helped me fake my death so that Dean would be safe, If the angels found out I was alive and any where near Dean they'd kill him." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair "Cas, Dean is killing himself" I stated she got a look of pure worry "what?" it was barely audible "ever since you died, or fake died he's been locked in his room with alcohol and, Cas he cries at night, all night" I said. Cas looked like I put a bullet through her heart "Sam you need to tell Dean to stop, tell him...tell him I wouldn't want this for him...that he needs to live or me dying wouldn't count for anyone" she said. I sighed and nodded "Cas, where'd you get the vessel?" I asked she looked down then back up "Her name was Patricia Lucas, she was in the process of dying when I asked for entrance, right as I entered she died, don't worry Sam she's in heaven with her mother, she's happy." I nodded and walked away from Cas. I didn't have to help Dean stand and get to the car he was already there, fast asleep in the back with tear stains on his face. I sighed and headed towards the bunker._

 _~~~2 weeks later_

 _Dean came out more know but he was still so depressed, I didn't hear him crying every night all night but I did still hear him some nights. We where sitting in the living room when there was pounding on the door. I got up to answer it considering Dean was asleep. When I opened the door she fell on me she was beaten and bloody, the only cloths she had on was a shirt and underwear. You could tell that there was angel blade cuts all over her. "CAS!" I shouted and pulled her up. When I shouted Dean woke up and he noticed her. "Who's that?" he asked I shrugged and pulled her to the couch and set her down her hair was matted with mud and she herself was dirty. "Sam who is she?" Dean asked I again just shrugged that's when she woke up with a gasp. Her hand shooting forward and clutching Dean's, but she was still looking at me "GET HIM OUT!" she demanded. Dean ripped his hand away from her and she started struggling with her breathing, and the door flew open. Dean was shocked and Cas had passed out again. The angel was pissed there was a cut across her cheek and she was fuming "CASTIEL!" she shouted. Dean looked at Cas and his eyes filled with worry, then he looked at the other angel and was filled with anger. He pulled out the Angel blade that he kept with him and immediately started fighting the angel off. After time had passed and the Angel was dead. Dean fell next to Cas his hands trembling as if when he reached for Cas's hand it wouldn't be there or if wouldn't be her. Before he could move Cas did grabbing his hand and squeezing Dean broke down, full on crying into Cas's stomach and mumbling profanities as he pulled Cas into his arms tighter. Her hair fell over him and she was crying to her tears landing on his back. Once they where done Cas explained everything to Dean and then Dean gave her cloths that where left behind by Clare or Charlie, they assumed Charlie. Dean declared his undying love for Cas without even noticing and Cas broke into tears when it happened, trying to make her self distant from Dean and failing massively. God was so pleased with how they acted that he locked the Angel's who tortured Castiel away and demanded that the trio be left alone this time Angels where to scared to disobey. Cas and Dean got married and later adopted a little girl that went by the name of Abby. Things where most definalty different, I mean for one Cas was a woman and two they where constantly making out and three they where called mom and dad. But at the same time things where like they always should have been, ending with Dean and Cas together and happy._


End file.
